It is not uncommon for Clients to fear starting Coaching; after all, it is taking you out of your comfort zone. Opening up to someone you do not know and sharing your thoughts, secrets, desires and life lessons with a stranger.
Who wouldn't feel anxious?.. But, this is your "chimp" mind kicking in.
I will go through what most clients (including myself) have thought and how I supported myself and my clients to embrace and open up to the process. After all, I am here to help.
Before their first session, clients typically ask, "What if I'm afraid to be vulnerable in Coaching?" "How do I talk about myself?" you might wonder.
Starting Coaching is a significant and exciting step. Whether you're battling mental illness, in recovery, feeling lost or unsure of yourself, questioning your ideas, morals, or values, or having a few creases to smooth out. It might even be a little frightening for you. That's fine, and it's often a good thing!
"If it were easy, everyone would be doing it, and the value of the outcome wouldn't be as high."
We frequently enter or create a state of panic or anxiety as a result of leaving our comfort zone, or opening up in order to change - whatever the cause, it's a BIG step, so it's natural to be nervous, but also pretty thrilling!
But, from the perspective of someone who regularly goes to therapy, I want to tell you this:
It's not always simple to open up to someone you don't know. You must have faith in the process and understand that it is up to you to determine how much information you want to share with your Coach. Finally, this will determine the quality of the Coaching you receive. Coaches cannot thoroughly explore how to best support or work with you by utilising their abilities and training without first understanding the heart of your emotions, thoughts, motivations, and holdbacks.
Although it may seem unusual at first to reveal your secrets and truths to a stranger, you likely dedicated so much time and energy to secrecy for most of your life. Push past your emotions.
The Power of Vulnerability - Brene Brown --- YouTube her on TedTalks!
The more you allow yourself to feel vulnerable, the more strength and self-growth you shall achieve and the easier it becomes to work with your Coach.
"To gain trust, you must first provide it" not only for your Coach but as a rule for yourself.
And, from the perspective of someone who is a Coach and making a living from it, I want to tell you this:
I understand your trepidation, hesitancy, and worry. However, the training I have been through supports me in assisting you in overcoming this obstacle. It is my responsibility to make you as comfortable as possible. I don't want to frighten or terrify you; judging you is the last thing on my mind!
Also, I do not discuss our sessions with anyone; being trusted is a privilege and gift, one of the most significant rewards when being a Coach. When the session is over, though, I think of the Client. I frequently find myself pondering late into the day about how I may best assist that Client in our next session. Being filled with compassion and empathy, I'm hopeful that clients will begin to feel better with my assistance. Often I brainstorm ways to make the Clients life better and make the Client feel more at ease. And although the relationship is strictly professional, they have become a part of my life.
I care about every Client I work with, not due to the money but because it is my passion and purpose in life to help others.
I care about every client I work with, not due to the money but because it is my passion and purpose in life to help others.
When it comes to "opening up" to a Coach or Therapist, several tactics can help you overcome your fears and talk more freely about your thoughts. Here are a few of the favourites that I use with my clients and in my therapy:
1. Use a journal to record your thoughts before starting Coaching or Therapy.
This is one of the most effective methods for overcoming your apprehension about talking about yourself in Coaching. It's a good idea to list topics you'd like to address, noteworthy events/thoughts you've had, and questions you'd like to ask your Coach before each session. You might find it beneficial to keep a session notebook as your Coaching progresses, documenting what you've talked about and how you're putting it into practice.
With all my Clients during the consultation, I ask them to reflect, consider and share what it is they wish to gain from working with me. This supports my clients with clarity but also myself with context and ambitions.
2. Begin with little pieces.
It's easier to talk about topics that aren't as sensitive. So start by talking about some little challenges with your Coach or Therapist to get used to conversing with them. Your Coach is trained in facilitating conversation and will guide the conversation via small talk, opening up, and establishing boundaries. So, let them initiate the chat, to begin with. If you're feeling particularly vulnerable, you can even request an explanation of their confidentiality policy for peace of mind.
3. Remind yourself that you're not going to Therapy or Coaching to be told what to do.
I am not here to tell you what to do; instead, I am here to assist you in discovering your answers and path forward. I can share proven methods, skills, and techniques to help you succeed, but it is your choice what you do with them.
I want you to gain the tools and skills you need to take control of your life.
4. Be prepared for each session.
Choose session times when you're not likely to be stressed or anxious, as this will limit your willingness to be vulnerable and honest with your Coach.
Allow yourself to be in a calm headspace before your sessions by taking a few deep breaths and reminding yourself of :
Why you started Coaching.
What it is helping you to achieve in life.
What do you hope to gain from the session?
Coaching isn't always simple, but it's easier to prepare for each session. Your Coach will generally tell you what they want to talk about when you next meet at the end of a session. Make a note of this, so you have ample time to prepare.
5. Under no circumstances is there to be any dishonesty.
I'm serious! Be honest if you're having a wonderful week. However, if you're having a bad week, let them know. Also, if you haven't completed your assigned homework, let your Coach know. Your Coach will not criticise or punish you for not taking action. If you're having trouble with sessions or homework, your Coach will work with you to find a solution. Second, if the assignment isn't working for you or you don't feel like you're progressing, you won't let your Coach down, and they won't be disappointed in you. They want to assist you in discovering the way to your achievement, and if one path doesn't work, they'll try another and keep trying until it feels 'right' to you.
You, my friend, are worth investing in.
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